Afraid

My parents taught me to be afraid. Afraid of the world, the unkown, my future. They taught me to be fearful. I don't want to be scared. I want to jump right in and experience as much of my life as possible. I want to feel, touch, hear, taste, and see the world around me. I want to walk with confidence everyday! It is my life, and I shouldn't be scared. Everything that happens to me, happens for a reason. I can't avoid it by being scared, so why waste my time on fears?
My parent's taught me to be afraid, wary, and uncertain. Well I am tired of that bullshit! Half the reason children love life is because they have no fear of being wrong or judged...that is why they are carefree. So many people say they want to be a kid again, and it is really not that hard to have that type of mindset. We are just conditioned to worry, and we really have no reason to.

Late at Night

It's late at night when I realize I am not as strong as I pretend to be. The day catches up to me, and it hits me. I am tired of being strong, and I'm tired of pretending. No one really knows; I don't talk to anyone about it, but I am just done. It is late at night when all I want to do is give up, but I wake up in the morning and do it all over again.

Tired

I am just so tired of it following me around everywhere. I am tired of carrying it with me, and pretending it's not there. I can't keep being strong because I will break down eventually. It will sneak up on me when I least expect it, and grab hold of me. It won't let go; it clings to me at every turn. It causes tears of pain and longing; longing for a time when I won't feel it breathing down my back. I can't move forward when it's pulling me back, but I am afraid to move forward because I am afraid of the unknown; I am afraid of something worse. I'm tired of feeling it claw at me late at night, and I am tired of it affecting who I am as a person. It needs to end, but I don't know how I can even begin that ending.

My Mistake

My mistake was believing we were closer than we actually were. I cared more for you than you did for me, and it's my fault for not realizing it sooner. I invested so much into thinking we were friends, and you saw me as less than that. I can only hope I am meant to learn something from this because it hurts too much to lose the one thing I put so much of myself into. There is a part of me you will forever have; a part I can never get back.

The Small Things

I enjoy living. The small things are what matter to me. A friend breaking out into Disney songs or quotes, driving with the windows rolled down, petting a dog, reading a book outside, a nice breeze, birds chirping, laughing, hugging someone I care about, looking at the stars, jumping into a lake, watching snow fall, thunderstorms at night, the smell of a good meal, getting letters in the mail, and seeing a genuine smile. Those are all things that just make me happy; happy to be alive! They are the things I pay attention to everyday. Because in the end, we all end up the same way. So in the end, it's not about where we end up, but the journey that brought us there.
I don't just want to exist in this world, I want to live. I notice every little thing that makes me smile, and I realize that I am a single person in this world, but I enjoy the same simple things that exist in everyone else's life. I just choose to let those same simple things mean more to me than the big picture!

Beautiful

I think laugh lines are the most beautiful imperfections a person can have!