Tired

I am just so tired of it following me around everywhere. I am tired of carrying it with me, and pretending it's not there. I can't keep being strong because I will break down eventually. It will sneak up on me when I least expect it, and grab hold of me. It won't let go; it clings to me at every turn. It causes tears of pain and longing; longing for a time when I won't feel it breathing down my back. I can't move forward when it's pulling me back, but I am afraid to move forward because I am afraid of the unknown; I am afraid of something worse. I'm tired of feeling it claw at me late at night, and I am tired of it affecting who I am as a person. It needs to end, but I don't know how I can even begin that ending.